“I Can Categorically Tell You That Your Baby Is Not Autistic.”

One of the reasons I stopped blogging was because life became incredibly difficult — and if I’m honest, it still is. 

I’ve had to stop writing this post at least fifteen times already - that isn’t an exaggeration.

Back when I first started blogging around thirteen years ago we had a big community of 'mummy bloggers', then many of the bloggers I knew from events and collaborations, moved into vlogging, attended events, and continued building their platforms. That wasn’t something I was able to do. Behind the scenes, life was heavy, complicated, and just plain exhausting.

The biggest difference was this: nobody around me would listen when I tried to explain the difficulties my daughter was having.

When I was first 100% sure Something Was Different

At the end of Reception, when my daughter was five years old, I received her school report. It didn’t sound like her at all.

Reception had already been a difficult year. One teacher had gone off sick, which meant the class had around five different teachers a week. It was chaotic and far from ideal even for a child without SEN.

By then, I already suspected my daughter was autistic.

There had been signs for as long as I could remember — communication struggles, clear differences compared with children her age, extreme sleep difficulties, and severe separation anxiety that continues even now.

When I spoke to one of her teachers after the report, she said something along the lines of:

“She hasn’t really spoken to us much this year.”

That sentence stopped me in my tracks. If that was said to me now, I'd have a pretty good reply. Then? I was stuck, I didn't know what to say. 

An entire school year had passed, and nobody had raised concerns with me. Could you imagine? 

The Day I Asked for Help

I went to speak to the headteacher because I desperately needed someone to listen. I thought it would be better to go straight to the head teacher instead of asking a class teacher who she wasn't going to have soon anyway. 

I had already spoken to my husband. At the time, he didn’t really understand autism and struggled to see what I was seeing. I made sure I went into school alone, without either of my children, and asked if I could speak to the headteacher.

Standing in the reception area, I said:

“I think my daughter is autistic.”

There wasn’t even a pause before she laughed and replied:

“I can categorically tell you that your baby is not autistic.”

I can still picture that moment clearly. If I close my eyes, I can still see her walking away, shaking her head, after laughing in the face of a parent who was reaching out for help. I didn’t need certainty. I needed support. I needed her to say ok Mary-Kate, lets have a chat, why do you feel like this? And to sign post me to further support. 

Instead, I was dismissed in seconds.

The Loneliness of Not Being Believed

For a long time afterwards, I was left carrying the same question around in circles.

• Was I wrong?
• Was I overreacting?
• Was I imagining things?

When professionals dismiss parents so quickly, it can make you question your own reality.

“It’s Just Growing Pains”

At the same time, my daughter was waking every single night screaming in pain. For as long as I could remember she had pains, mainly in her legs. 

I knew something wasn’t right.

GP appointment after GP appointment ended with the same phrase:

“It’s just growing pains.”

I used to joke that she wasn’t even growing — she was still tiny.

Then during the Covid pandemic, we happened to see a different GP. She had hypermobility herself, recognised the signs immediately, and my daughter scored 9/9 on the Beighton scale. It was then we were finally referred to physiotherapy. That referral would become life-changing for a completely different reason.

The Person Who Finally Noticed!

Our first physiotherapy appointment was a video call with a physiotherapist named Julie. I will never forget this woman. After a short time speaking with us, she asked:

“Have you ever heard of autism?”

I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Heard of it? I felt like I had been living with it for years.. I didn't want to put anything in her mind though so I simply answered yes but my concerns previously have been dismissed. She recognised what others had ignored — through one short video appointment even without me mentioning any of my concerns at all! 

She saw my child. She saw me. And for the first time, someone listened. Someone wanted to help. Sometimes It Only Takes One Person.

Sometimes all you need is one person who understands.

For us, it wasn’t the school.

It wasn’t the endless appointments, leaving you feeling like a crazy person. 

It was a physiotherapist who had only met my daughter briefly, but understood that autism can present very differently in every child — especially in girls.

If You’re Being Dismissed, Please don't give up. 

If someone dismisses your concerns, laughs at you, or makes you feel silly for asking questions about your child:

You have not failed.

You have simply asked the wrong person.

Please keep asking until someone listens.

Excuse me whilst I skip straight to spring

I'm trying to organise my week and now Friday's are my bow making day. I thought I'd share a few new bows that I'm currently making, I seem to have skipped straight to spring colours! With a few summery prints too.

I need to make some Easter ones and Valentine's ones as well as the st Patrick's bows.

I'd love to have some blogger / instagrammer bow brand reps to help grow my business. If this is something you'd be interested in please pop over to my Instagram account- bowsbymarykate and give it a follow to see when the post with more information about it goes live.

ZSL Whipsnade Zoo

We have been members at ZSL Whipsnade zoo for a few years now, it's worked out really good value for money for us because we have been there quite a bit - there's so much to see that we never see everything in one day, being members also means we get to go there for just an afternoon without spending the money on one visit and feeling you've got to stay all day to 'get your moneys worth'.

Being a member also means you get 10% off in the cafes and gift shops there. 

My favourite thing about whipsnade are the bird shows, they fly really close to you and you get to see some really amazing birds. It helps that my children love birds.

The butterflies are really pretty - I'm sad to see that RHS Wisley isn't doing the butterflies in the glasshouse event anymore, also made me look a little silly as I've told everyone about it! 

They've got an indoor soft play but we have only been in there once for a party because when we go to the zoo - we go to the zoo to see the animals and be outside in the fresh air. I don't even let my children play on the climbing frames usually because theres just so many children on them and again - we are there to see animals and we go to the local parks to play on the climbing frame. The children are usually happy with this rule so I'm not intending to change that. I have one exception to this rule and that's Willows Farm because the Peter Rabbit playground is something a little special isn't it? 

ZSL whipsnade have got dairy free ice creams in the summer which is perfect for my little girl who still has her cows milk allergy usually though we take a packed lunch for a few reasons- keeping it a cheaper day out and the allergies/intolerances in the family means eating out isn't easy. 

There's several places to sit with your own picnic and 10% off hot drinks for members- tea helps get through a cold day at the zoo. 

There's a train but you've got to pay extra- again, worth being a member to get a discount on that too. There's also a bus which is free and you can hop on and off at various stops around the zoo. 

We love to go see the lemurs but noticed lately they always seem to be inside even if it's a warm, dry day it doesn't seem to make a difference anymore. Last time we went we spent a while looking for the brown bears.... before noticing a big sign pointing out the rather obvious fact that they were hibernating! 

You always get a really good close up view of the penguins. My favourite. 

There's a cafe/restaurant further up I call it the top of the zoo - brilliant place for picnics in the summer as it's got a lovely view. 

There's too many animals to mention them all but our absolute favourites to see include giraffes, meerkats, lions, flamingos, tigers, elephants and lemurs. 

The new Aquarium wasn't as good as I thought it would be and from a family who have 2 fish tanks and loved the one at ZSL London zoo we do feel a little disappointed like there's alot of the same fishes in there. It is however still a lovely addition to the zoo and lots of things for the kids to learn about. That's the thing with ZSL they're teaching the children lots throughout their visit. 

The butterflies are most active later on in the day so go here last if you can. It's not too far from the exit just make sure you don't leave it too late because then you won't be able to get inside. My little girl has learnt they love to land on bright colours such a red. 

Don't forget to visit owl wood before you leave too. We didn't realize for a while you could see some owls. Their other birds are not on display  to the public which whilst i understand i do think it would be lovely if we could see them. 

What's your favourite thing at whipsnade? 

I listened to my husband and it's changed our day completely

Getting the kids to school on time in the morning was an absolute nightmare - to the point I had a headache, the neighbours probably thought I was insane and the kids were often rushing to join that class line last minute or signing in late sometimes too.

It started really getting even harder to get to kids ready in the morning on 13th September when littlest one who's now 5, started to feel poorly and kept crying going into school - refusing to get ready and clinging to me when we got there. Eventually we found out she was genuinely poorly. I felt terrible having sent her to school thinking she just didnt want to go.

After a few visits to doctors and hospitals she's now much better but it was a scary and very tiring time. School got even more difficult when she missed a few weeks because of being poorly.

I felt like I was going to be on first name terms with the ladies in the office signing her in late.

I started to let her brother who's 10 walk to school on his own so he wasn't late too. The school isn't far and there's no main roads to cross as well as the fact it's a busy route that he knows like the back of his hand as they say, I still hated letting him go alone.

My husband usually leaves for work very early so the school run isn't something he had to suffer through, until one day and he told me it was crazy. He told me to make a list.

He's usually right. He won't read this so I can admit that here.

We needed to have a good morning routine for the children.

But I didn't listen for a while until now that is! - WHY DIDNT I LISTEN TO HIM SOONER? I'm so happy today and yesterday after listening I cleaned the entire house so the morning had a positive impact on the entire day.

Yesterday we got to school at 8.30am - 20 minutes early. We walked together all 3 of us, the eldest was happy to play with his friends before school. The youngest was delighted to be FIRST in her line for the first time ever. So much so that this morning we had to be FIRST again! I was happy to stand in a little rain to see how happy she was.

How have we changed our morning?

A list! A simple but fantastic list. He's a genius, I married a genius.

Like my husband said, make a list for each child of what they need to do in the morning to get ready. It worked.

I've also got them to get dressed before anything else because it makes everything else go so smoothly.

On our list we have -

Get dressed
Breakfast
Brush teeth
Wash face
Tablet / hair
Toilet
Coat
Bag
Shoes /wellies
Leave

It's written on a little bit of paper and I've written a weeks worth in advance so I don't need to rush every morning to write it.

As they complete that task they can cross it out which makes it into a little game and so far it's worked well. My son likes the structure of knowing what he needs to do instead of having to be nagged and my daughter I think she really likes crossing the things out so it's a bit of a game for her.

Tv in the morning has been banned on weekdays too. They refused to stop watching it then screamed. No. Haven't got time for that. Whatever works for you though- do it.

So if you're struggling to get the kids ready for school, to get there on time without any asking them to put their shoes on 100 times, try a list!

A good little idea is also to put some colouring pencils and paper on the table so you can get them to have a little drawing to do whilst you go get ready  if they've got nothing left to do - then you can get ready- all. By. Yourself!!

Let me know if you do a list too... what else can I make lists for?

Be original

This week has left me feeling so upset.

My daughter's teacher has copied my small business making hairbows and accessories... we live in the same small village and it's not about that because I know you could go buy bows in Sainsbury's... it's the fact it's so unprofessional to be a teacher and copy your students parent. It's my one and only form of income which she knows provides money for our family to be able to take the children to swimming lessons and cricket for example. She knows because ive told her. She knows because I have given her free bows before. She has her job and I can't understand why she needs to steal mine. Crafting options are so wide, why copy mine exactly. There's lots of different crafts to do to relax. She's just seen this works for me and copied. It's hurtful. I'm hurt. I'm obviously a bad judge of character because I always thought she was lovely but clearly not.

I'm going to keep trying to be my best.

I have a new range of hairbows available on my website now www.bowsbymk.co.uk 

And I'm on Facebook too if you would like to support me there it's www.facebook.com/bowsbymk 

First family holiday abroad

In 2017 we went to Menorca for our honeymoon, we booked with Jet2 and loved it! We left the children with their grandparents and stayed in the adult only hotel in Es Castell called Barceló Hamilton. Last year we knew that we wanted to go back with the children and my inlaws came too. We booked again with Jet2, this time a villa because it's sometimes difficult to feed Isabelle as she has cows milk protein allergy. We knew that we wanted to be close to the beach so we spent ages looking at the jet2 website at villas... we booked one that looked great, huge pool and table tennis, bbq and close to the beach it seemed perfect. We were getting all our bits ready and buying the sun lotion then jet2 emailed to inform us that the villa we had booked will be having a villa next door built so it would be noisy for several hours a day.

We decided we didn't want to be next to a building site so Jet2 changed our villa to another that we picked from what was left in the area and actually the villa was so much better! It was further from the beach which isn't what we originally wanted and the pool wasn't ideal for Isabelle as there wasn't a shallow end however it was amazing in location and it meant that we got to see so much wildlife including tortoises and turtle doves, snakes and lots of insects. It was in between two beaches too so we could pick from Punta Prima and Binibeca. 

I am a nervous flyer and it was hard to hide this from the children. I didn't need to though because Oliver didn't flinch when we took off or landed and Isabelle, who is only 4 years old and tiny, cackled like a witch at take off, landing and whenever there was some turbulence. SHE LOVED IT. Actually, so much so, that she complained when the plane was stopping at Stansted. Maybe she'll travel the world when she's older or maybe work for an airline. 

I love the shopping at Stansted airport because they have a Next and obviously you get it cheaper! Got myself a dress, a tankini top and a pair of leggings - not that I'd need those on holiday but I like the leggings from Next so I thought I'd put them away. I can even shop in the air, lipgloss, perfume, a teddy and a model plane this time on board with jet2 - brilliant prices especially the perfume which was discounted already and then 20% off too. I must have saved atleast £20 on it compared to if I had of got in on the highstreet. I love Yves Saint Laurent and will always buy it on a jet2 flight or on boxing day as they're the two cheapest times. 

Mahon is the capital city of Menorca and it's definitely worth a visit, we went on a yellow catamaran glass bottom boat trip which allowed us to see loads of fish. Mahon harbour is the second deepest natural harbour in the world. There's so much history to learn about too. My favourite place of all is Es Castell which is a small town that was founded in 1771 by the British originally called Georgetown in honour of King George III. Cale fonts is beautiful and our favourite restaurant is there which is called Nikki's. I love the burger - its all I ever have! 

Oliver learnt how to swim a little bit without armbands whilst we were which was amazing, he got to spend so much time with the pool practically to himself and lots of attention especially from Grandad which really helped him to grow confidence in the water. 

We all got matching menorcan sandals and they're super comfy - after the first day of wearing them that is! 

Top tips for holidays with children

• Don't over pack! There's no need for multiple outfits per day... swimwear will be worn a lot  if you're in a hot country and remember in Menorca it dries very quickly! 
• Take tuna with you if your child likes tuna... I paid over 3 euros for one tin. 
• Nikki's bar in Es Castell, Cales Fonts can cater for dairy free and is delicious. 
• Jet2 are really friendly and budget perfect for families.
• Don't plan too much in the middle of the day if you've got small children - its just too hot. 

We have booked Menorca again for this year and I already can't wait to go! We're staying in the same villa because we loved it so much and it's perfect for us. 

The reason is hairbows

It feels a little weird to be opening my laptop to write a blog post here again, 2018 went past and I just didn't find the time or the desire to write anything.

I've been a bit busy making hair bows, I even created my own website to sell them online now - you can have a look here www.bowsbymk.co.uk - shameless advertisement I know! I love making them and being creative and hope that my business will continue to grow.

I've missed the blogging community though, as I started this blog in 2013 when I was pregnant... the bow making community is a lonely one in comparison.

A few photos of bows I made last year, unicorns and mermaids were a big trend for hair bows, leopard print, tartan and very sparkly glitter were very popular for Christmas bows. I'm looking forward to getting some new fabric delivered to make Easter hair bows, Valentines hair bows and spring / summer hair bows.