Wednesday, 12 July 2017

I spoke to my children ONCE in a week.

I was so nervous about leaving the children for our honeymoon, I wondered how they would cope being away from us and I wondered how I would cope for the first time in almost 8 years of being away children - not having that responsibility of being a mum.. Was I a bad mum for wanting to leave my children for a week in a different country?


Was I being selfish not taking the children with me?

I felt so guilty about leaving them, what if they needed me, what if something happened and I couldn't get to them... I spend every day usually with my children, I try to never miss a bedtime, I always make sure they're breathing before I go to sleep... that's almost 8 years of checking another human being is OK before you can sleep - I have actually poked them before to make sure everything was alright...

oh and the big one, the fact we don't take them on holidays because we can't afford it yet off we went on an amazing holiday for ourselves. But I had to keep reminding myself that actually it wasn't paid for by us! It was a wedding present as we asked people for money towards it which was the best gift we could have asked for. Sure we had the option to take the children with us... and before I felt a little guilt for deciding to not take them BUT now I don't feel guilty in saying this - I'm glad we didn't. I loved that it was just us two. I had to also remind myself - they were in safe hands.

I made the most of not having to parent for 1 whole week

Once we got to the hotel, my phone wouldn't work... which meant I couldn't text or call the children (well, Grandma - the kids don't have phones) OMG - Michael had set it up to work aboard but I didn't seem to have any signal. I honestly felt like freaking out, I didn't show Michael that.... instead I emailed Grandma to check on them - she doesn't have facebook or WhatsApp. Then I relaxed, remembered that they are very safe at home with grandparents... that this was a once in a lifetime opportunity for me and my husband. Some people leave their kids easily without thinking about it, I can't do that.

Then when the kids were with my mum on the Saturday, I called them using WhatsApp - my mum made me download it - she's cooler than me obviously. But Oliver looked SO SAD, Isabelle waved, giggled and said bye... Oliver just looked at us, asking us where we were, what the hotel was called, what it was like there.... bless him. Oh and there it was again - that mum guilt. Stupid guilt that you shouldn't feel for being yourself too as well as a 24/7 mother/waitress/cleaner like you usually are. I said bye and went back to my beach towel to relax. Something we don't get to do at home.

We woke up in the mornings and got ourselves ready BEFORE we had to feed someone! Amazing.

We grabbed our shoes and off we went for breakfast made by SOMEONE ELSE.

Then after we had an amazing day out (sometimes a little laze by the pool) we came back to a CLEAN room that was cleaned by, yep! you guessed it SOMEONE ELSE! Woohooooo.

So I only spoke to them once on video/voice call.... IN A WEEK, I SPOKE TO MY CHILDREN ONCE!

We've been away from Oliver for a few days before but never a whole week and we've only left Isabelle for a night before so it was a little scary but they were fine and we were fine. I've never been on a hot holiday before so I was a little nervous about that too but I loved it... take me back... take me back!
We got up at 6am one morning to watch the sunrise - it was beautiful. Couldn't do that with the kids without a tantrum or two..

We had an amazing time in Menorca, it was so lovely to just have nothing to do. No time to wake up, being able to just grab your shoes and walk out the door is not something I've been able to do in many years. Not having to tell anyone to be good, not having to worry about anyone but yourself. Not having to listen to screaming children, I love my kids but as my neighbours know; boy do they scream. I love being a mum don't get me wrong but I think this honeymoon has made me realise that it is OK to want to be more than just a 'mum'. I need to be me too and we need to have time as a couple without the children because life is too short and I don't want to get to an older age and realise that I should have done more with my days.

We're really lucky that so many people gave us money towards an amazing honeymoon and we're so lucky for Michaels parents for looking after the children and my mum for looking after (and cleaning hehehe) our house. Originally my sister in law said she would have the children for us but then it was decided they would stay at Michaels parents house instead. They had their own rooms for a week - what isn't to love?

Michael was so loved up on honeymoon, he always loves me and I know that but when we are at home he is just too tired with every day life to really show it.

If you get a chance for some time without your children - grab it with both hands and run quickly with it.


I can't wait to return to Menorca next year with the children, now that we've been there I know where I would like to take them, where we can eat with Isabelle's allergies and even where it would be nice to stay as well as what section of the beach to avoid if we don't want to see naked bodies everywhere!

So don't feel the guilt if you get to spend some time without your children, enjoy it. Everyone needs to be themselves too and would I leave them again? YES... not for a while but I definitely wouldn't pass up an opportunity to be with just my husband.
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