Wednesday 7 January 2015

8 years

At 10:23pm on 7th January 2007 my dad passed away age 73 years, it was 39 days before my 18th birthday and today makes that 8 years ago. 8 years already, how quickly is life going?! I along with my mum, one of my sisters Sarah and two of my brothers James and Alan were next to my dad in my parents bedroom. My mum, with little help from anyone else cared for my dad who was terminally ill with cancer. She was amazing and I don't think I'd cope with what she had to do.
I'm not going to go into all the little details but this post is just to express how I am feeling. I'm sad. I'm sad that he's not here and that my mum doesn't have him to hold her hand. I'm sad that he's missed so much, birthdays, anniversary's, weddings and new babies - two of which ofcourse are mine! Oliver has my dad's name as his middle name 'Arthur' and is always talking about Grandad... little monkey made me cry a few weeks ago when he kept going on and on about never meeting Grandad. I'm hoping that Isabelle will recognise photos of Grandad too when she is older. I'm sad that he never saw his 'baby' have 'babies'.
I'm grateful for having had such a lovely Dad, a man who would of given away the last pound in his pocket, a man who didn't spend his spare time in the pub he spent it with his family, his life was our family and I wouldn't of changed him for the world. I miss being woken up with breakfast! I miss his happy personality. I miss his (not always funny/I didn't understand) jokes. I miss his singing 'when the flies swarm in' ohh James will remember that one from our last family holiday to Ireland in 2005. I wish he could be here to meet Michael too, who on Christmas Eve asked me to marry him! So I'll be leaving the surname behind... There comes another massive 'dad thing' walking his daughter down the aisle which my dad will miss, he missed it with my sister too. It must of been so hard for him to know he was dying, to leave his family behind.
You expect your parents to pass away eventually, it's a fact of life but when my dad passed away I was still a stroppy teenager... don't get me wrong I know it could be so much worse and I do feel lucky to have had him that long but it was hard. I admit it annoys me soo much when people don't bother with their parents, when they're gone they're gone forever so make the most of the time you have!

It's too late for me to tell my Dad how much I love him although I hope he knows I do and I'll always be a daddys girl. I'll always keep that post it note on my fridge asking 'what time did mary get in?' seriously ill and worrying what time I actually got in. So, Mum just so you know, I love you. I think you're incredibly strong to have been through everything you've been through and thank you for looking after my Dad the way you did. You'll always be my first best friend, x

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