“I Can Categorically Tell You That Your Baby Is Not Autistic.”

One of the reasons I stopped blogging was because life became incredibly difficult — and if I’m honest, it still is. 

I’ve had to stop writing this post at least fifteen times already - that isn’t an exaggeration.

Back when I first started blogging around thirteen years ago we had a big community of 'mummy bloggers', then many of the bloggers I knew from events and collaborations, moved into vlogging, attended events, and continued building their platforms. That wasn’t something I was able to do. Behind the scenes, life was heavy, complicated, and just plain exhausting.

The biggest difference was this: nobody around me would listen when I tried to explain the difficulties my daughter was having.

When I was first 100% sure Something Was Different

At the end of Reception, when my daughter was five years old, I received her school report. It didn’t sound like her at all.

Reception had already been a difficult year. One teacher had gone off sick, which meant the class had around five different teachers a week. It was chaotic and far from ideal even for a child without SEN.

By then, I already suspected my daughter was autistic.

There had been signs for as long as I could remember — communication struggles, clear differences compared with children her age, extreme sleep difficulties, and severe separation anxiety that continues even now.

When I spoke to one of her teachers after the report, she said something along the lines of:

“She hasn’t really spoken to us much this year.”

That sentence stopped me in my tracks. If that was said to me now, I'd have a pretty good reply. Then? I was stuck, I didn't know what to say. 

An entire school year had passed, and nobody had raised concerns with me. Could you imagine? 

The Day I Asked for Help

I went to speak to the headteacher because I desperately needed someone to listen. I thought it would be better to go straight to the head teacher instead of asking a class teacher who she wasn't going to have soon anyway. 

I had already spoken to my husband. At the time, he didn’t really understand autism and struggled to see what I was seeing. I made sure I went into school alone, without either of my children, and asked if I could speak to the headteacher.

Standing in the reception area, I said:

“I think my daughter is autistic.”

There wasn’t even a pause before she laughed and replied:

“I can categorically tell you that your baby is not autistic.”

I can still picture that moment clearly. If I close my eyes, I can still see her walking away, shaking her head, after laughing in the face of a parent who was reaching out for help. I didn’t need certainty. I needed support. I needed her to say ok Mary-Kate, lets have a chat, why do you feel like this? And to sign post me to further support. 

Instead, I was dismissed in seconds.

The Loneliness of Not Being Believed

For a long time afterwards, I was left carrying the same question around in circles.

• Was I wrong?
• Was I overreacting?
• Was I imagining things?

When professionals dismiss parents so quickly, it can make you question your own reality.

“It’s Just Growing Pains”

At the same time, my daughter was waking every single night screaming in pain. For as long as I could remember she had pains, mainly in her legs. 

I knew something wasn’t right.

GP appointment after GP appointment ended with the same phrase:

“It’s just growing pains.”

I used to joke that she wasn’t even growing — she was still tiny.

Then during the Covid pandemic, we happened to see a different GP. She had hypermobility herself, recognised the signs immediately, and my daughter scored 9/9 on the Beighton scale. It was then we were finally referred to physiotherapy. That referral would become life-changing for a completely different reason.

The Person Who Finally Noticed!

Our first physiotherapy appointment was a video call with a physiotherapist named Julie. I will never forget this woman. After a short time speaking with us, she asked:

“Have you ever heard of autism?”

I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Heard of it? I felt like I had been living with it for years.. I didn't want to put anything in her mind though so I simply answered yes but my concerns previously have been dismissed. She recognised what others had ignored — through one short video appointment even without me mentioning any of my concerns at all! 

She saw my child. She saw me. And for the first time, someone listened. Someone wanted to help. Sometimes It Only Takes One Person.

Sometimes all you need is one person who understands.

For us, it wasn’t the school.

It wasn’t the endless appointments, leaving you feeling like a crazy person. 

It was a physiotherapist who had only met my daughter briefly, but understood that autism can present very differently in every child — especially in girls.

If You’re Being Dismissed, Please don't give up. 

If someone dismisses your concerns, laughs at you, or makes you feel silly for asking questions about your child:

You have not failed.

You have simply asked the wrong person.

Please keep asking until someone listens.